Ch 43 ~ Looking for Zen

“Romeo...  Jacob...”  Dorothea used the universal hand gesture for “give it to me”, waggling her fingers toward her youngest two children.  They’d just finished a snack and Cokes in the catering room of Washington, D.C.’s Verizon Center and Jake was tucking their iPad under his arm as the two boys prepared to follow Paul out to the arena floor.  “Let me put that in my bag.  You know Daddy doesn’t like it when you have the electronic toys in the audience.  It’s watch the show or stay in catering or Daddy’s dressing room with the iPad.”

“But there’s nobody back here during the show,” Jake pointed out logically, rolling his eyes.  “That means you won’t let us stay back here.”

“Then hand it over.”

“C’mon, squirts,” Jesse invited his two younger brothers while acting as intermediary and passing the device to Dorothea.  “I’ll let you hang out with me.”

Neither of the boys were overjoyed at sitting through another one of Jon’s shows, but they did adore their big brother, so they followed willingly enough.   She’d reminded them half a dozen times that they were at the show so vacation could start immediately afterward, but that was three hours from now.  Boys under the age of ten didn’t have much use for delayed gratification.

Neither do big boys, for that matter.

“Steph, help Jesse keep them entertained, would you?” Dorothea asked, digging in her tote bag for some lip balm.  The cold air kept her lips chapped.  “I’ll be along in a minute.”

“I’m going to make a pit stop before this starts,” Ted said, squeezing her shoulder and dropping a kiss on her cheek.  “See you out there.”

He was the last person left in the room with her – besides a slightly uncomfortable looking Rachel.   

With dozens of eyes on them, they had been cordial to one another so far this evening.  There was no reason not to be, she supposed, but there was something hanging in the air.  Something that should probably be addressed before the two women found themselves enclosed in a small airplane thousands of feet in the air over open ocean.

Never one to be bashful, Dorothea stood and waited for Rachel to drop her cup in the trash can and dove right in.  “I guess we should mention the elephant in the room.”

The blonde smiled politely, cocking her head slightly to one side.  “Elephant?”

“Yes,” Dorothea confirmed.  “The big bikini-wearing elephant.   The one who isn’t really sure how you feel about vacationing with the Bongiovis.  Jon seems to think it’s all hunky dory, but I’d like to hear it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.  Are you comfortable vacationing with the kids and me?”

She was very careful to leave her voice free of any animosity.  In fact, she was as gracious to Rachel as she would be anyone else. 

Many, many of Dorothea’s hours had gone into analyzing the situation.  To say she’d made her peace with it wasn’t entirely true.  She still felt that she and Jon owed their children a vacation with their parents.  Period. 

But that had nothing to do with Rachel – or Ted, whom she hadn’t been particularly kind to tonight.  They were merely the two who happened to be ushering in an era of change.  The change wasn’t necessarily wanted, but she’d come to accept that it wasn’t positively heinous. 

Rachel smiled again and shrugged slightly.  “This trip isn't about me... Jon loves you, and he always will.  You’re as much a part of his family as the kids, his parents and his brothers, and family means the world to Jon.  Whatever I need to do to help him preserve his family...  I will.”

It would be so much more freeing if she could hate the woman who had seemingly replaced her.  It wasn’t that she was jealous.  It was more like, if Rachel were a selfish, self-centered bitch, Dorothea would revel in a bout of righteous indignation that Jon was shacking up with someone like “that”. 

Unfortunately, that was not the case.  

Rachel was willing to put Jon first –which wasn’t particularly unusual, as most women were willing to do that – but she clearly had some common sense and compassion.  Both were admirable qualities, and Dorothea couldn’t overlook Rachel’s tragic history.  It would be unimaginable to endure such loss. 

No.  Dorothea would prefer to dislike her, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to.  However, that didn’t mean they were going to suddenly morph into bosom buddies.  She couldn’t go that far, because there was just… something about the woman that rubbed the former Mrs. Bongiovi the wrong way. 

Maybe it was the favorable things Stephanie had had to say, or the way Romeo and Jake appeared genuinely fond of her that irked Dorothea.    Only Jesse had been non-committal when greeting her backstage, and the woman had even handled that well! 

Or, if she were really honest with herself, maybe she’d have to admit that it hurt for someone else to step into the life she’d spent more than twenty years building with the boy who was now one of the biggest stars in the world.   They had shared decades together, created a family together and, when all was said and done, everything they’d produced hadn’t been enough to keep his wanderlust at bay.  Between the wandering of the globe and the lust for the women of it, their once-sweet love had grown heavy with bitterness and resentment.

And now, another woman would reap the benefits of all of Dorothea’s sacrifices.   Rachel’s Jon was a man who was willing to walk over hot coals to make sure their relationship worked, whereas Dorothea hadn’t ever quite been able to tame him.  

It was frustrating as hell, but the new woman was committed to preserving the family Dorothea had worked so hard to keep together.  That meant she’d have to get on board, as well.

She nodded once and gave her best effort at a smile.  “I appreciate that, Rachel.  I’m sure we’ll have a lovely trip.”

                                                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By day three of their trip, Dorothea was still trying to relax enough to perhaps enjoy herself as she lounged on the sand of some deserted beach in the Caribbean.  Being ‘trapped’ on a yacht with one’s own family could conceivably drive a person nuts, but when you throw two ‘strangers’ into the mix, the potential existed for complete and utter discord for all involved. 

In fact, she would have bet next month’s alimony check that discord would reign supreme.

Anticipation of a chaotic fiasco had kept her slightly on edge for those first couple of days.  Dorothea had waited for Rachel to whine about there being nothing to do but soak in the sun with four children.  Or for the incessant chatter of the two youngest to become annoying enough for the blonde to seek shelter in her stateroom rather than swim with the boisterous boys. 

Or… something.  Something that would give Dorothea a legitimate reason to tell Jon this was the worst idea he’d ever come up with and he shouldn’t bother suggesting it again. 

But Rachel simply laughed when Romeo splashed her in the face for the millionth time.  And patiently helped Jake with this or that, and really listened to Stephanie when she talked, and showed a genuine appreciation for Jesse’s budding athletic skills…

So, rather than being a riot-inciting prima donna, it turned out that she was intelligent, strong and confident.  Someone who, under different circumstances, Dorothea would likely end up being drawn to as a personal friend. 

She was torn between being royally pissed off that she was wrong and being relieved that Jon had shown such good judgment in choosing his new girlfriend. 

Ted’s presence should have been a pleasure, or at the very least a comfort in the face of Jon’s new love affair, but all Dorothea felt was a mild agitation at his constant attention.  Normally she didn’t mind.  She cared deeply for Ted, and he was just what she needed at this point in her life.  Maybe for the rest of her life.  He was a wonderful, charismatic man who had no problem devoting his time and attention to her and the kids that weren’t his own, but his being there these last few days with Jon and their family… 

She hated to admit it, but he felt as much like an intruder here as Rachel, which carried a serving of guilt with it.  The whole scene had left her feeling more anxious, irritable and emotional than Dorothea was comfortable with. 

So she soaked in the sun, summoning the inner Zen that Jon was always swearing she had. 

By late afternoon, she had found a modicum of Zen lodged in the far recesses of her big toe and was encouraging it to spread its wings and fly while there was less chance of it being stifled by others.  At the moment, only Romeo and Jon were nearby, playing together in the sand.  Ted, Jesse and Jake were throwing a football in the waves as Rachel and Stephanie attempted to paddle board. 

Dorothea was used to the jabbering of her youngest son and hadn’t paid much attention to the actual conversation between Romeo and his father until the boy mentioned Rachel’s name.

“Daddy, can I ask you a question about Rachel?”

Her eyes popped open behind oversized sunglasses just in time to see Jon put aside the plastic pail they were using to build a sandcastle. 

“Sure, buddy.  What’s up?” 

“Are you gonna ask her to marry you?”

The innocent inquiry was like a knife to Dorothea’s heart.  Having a girlfriend was one thing.  There had always been other women.  She knew that and had made her peace with it long ago. 

Mostly. 

But she was his wife.  She was his rock – the one who kept him rooted and grounded – and she always had been.  Jon had told her so over and over.  Even after the divorce, he’d assured her that no one else could ever be that for him.

He wouldn’t try and replace her with Rachel in such a permanent capacity.  Not after he’d only known this woman a hot second. 

She waited for the diplomatic denial and rebuff, but Jon just laughed easily and ruffled the boy’s hair.  “I already did, but she told me no.”

The knife in her heart twisted to an excruciating angle and her Zen scurried like a frightened rabbit into some secret, unattainable location.  It felt as though she might never see it again.

“How come she told you no?” Romeo persisted, completely unaware that his mother was a whisper away from agony.

“Because I hurt her feelings and made her cry.”

Romeo dropped his sand shovel and cupped his hand over his eyes to block the sun when he looked at his father.  “It’s not nice to make girls cry, Daddy.  Did you tell her you were sorry?”

“I sure did, buddy,” Jon chuckled. “But she still won’t marry me.  I’m workin’ on it, though.”

Jon didn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable with the topic and never even glanced at Dorothea, which made her feel all the worse.  The man to whom she’d devoted her entire life had enough nerve to sit on the beach – in the sacred place their family had spent so many happy times – and discuss with their baby boy his desire to marry another woman.  

Jon would screw anything that moved, but he’d never really had a woman of any importance in his life except her.  Until now.  And that unexpectedly rattled Dorothea.  She had always known Jon would come running with just a snap of her finger and, if she were to be honest about it, the former Mrs. Bongiovi liked retaining the power position in Jon’s life. 

Admit it.  It hurts like hell that he’s really moved on.

She was lost in that thought when father and son walked hand-in-hand toward the ocean to join the other boys tossing the football. 

Rachel had fallen off the paddle board yet another time while Stephanie and the boys laughed at her.  When she came up sputtering, Jon cupped his hands to his mouth and loudly teased, “You better hope this real estate gig works out, babe, because Baywatch is NOT gonna come calling anytime soon!” 

With as much dignity as she could muster, Rachel pushed her wet hair from her face and tucked the paddle board under her arm.  She threw Jon a look that promised retribution and swatted him on the butt as she walked by.  Jon, before she escaped, managed to run his octopus-like hand down her bare thigh in a way so intimate that it jiggled the knife in Dorothea’s heart again, making her physically ache. 

She closed her eyes and turned her head on the beach towel as Rachel approached, in the hopes that she might not have to make small talk.   

No such luck, she discovered after Rachel bent and shook out Jon’s towel, plopping down with a muffled sigh.  The woman congenially offered Dorothea a bottle of icy water, which she reluctantly accepted. 

She had just pushed up into a seated position and cracked the seal when Rachel pointed out Jake’s superior throw of the football.

“He’s good.  Determined.  I guess that’s the way those unexpected ones are, though.  Determined from the beginning.”

Dorothea’s mouth went dry and the hair on the back of her neck stood up.  The chill that ran through her had nothing to do with the cold water that was dripping on her leg. 

“Wh-what do you mean, Rachel?”

“Yanno...  Surprise children.  Jon told me that Jake was an accident.  And that you decided to have Romeo so he didn’t grow up alone.” 

The wound Rachel had unknowingly inflicted cut to the absolute core of Dorothea’s soul.   Jon had betrayed her – them – as he never had before. 

That sonofoabitch. 

She dropped the water bottle on the towel and rose without another word.   Her back was rigidly straight and her shoulders set square as she walked a direct path toward her ex-husband, who was still tossing the ball with Ted and the boys. 

“Ted, can you watch the boys, please?”  Her voice quivered only slightly with the hurt and anger that was all but consuming her.  “I need to speak to Jon.”