Ch 54 ~ In The Stillness Of The Midnight

Jon flipped over for what felt like the hundredth time that night. 

The cemetery and Rachel’s disappointment at not finding her lightning-bolt moment had kept him awake long after they’d made slow, sweet love that night.  When he did finally manage to drift off, his sleep was the restless, tiring kind that always plagued him when he was troubled.   He wasn’t sure why he’d even bothered trying.

Missing Rachel in her usual spot drooling on his shoulder, he reached to put his arm over her waist with the idea that touching her might convince his subconscious that she was fine.   What he got was an arm full of cool sheet.

This is getting ridiculous.

He lifted his head and checked the bedside clock, which glowed 2:17 through the darkness.  It was way too early – or late – for Rachel to be up.  Where the hell was she?  

With a soft grunt, he tossed the sheets back and, seeing that the bathroom was dark, opened the bedroom door.  From his position near the top of the stairs, he could see lights glowing from the floor below and quietly padded toward the kitchen in search of the source.  The kitchen lights were all out and Jon continued on to the family room, where he found the television murmuring softly.

As Jon got closer, he could he could see that even though Rachel was lying down and covered up with her favorite blanket that she wasn’t asleep, but wide awake and thoroughly engrossed with the TV.  It took him only a glance to discover that she wasn’t caught up in late-night infomercials, old movies or home shopping.    

No, it wasn’t something as mundane as that. 

The screen was filled with the images of a pregnant Rachel and a young Lauren playing together in the sand while the waves lapped away in the background.   It could’ve been any beach, anywhere if it hadn’t been for one notable landmark, also in the background – Diamond Head. 

That meant Rachel was watching video footage of one of her innumerable family vacations to Hawaii, and Jon’s heart broke just a little. 

He reached out to stroke her head, noting with relief that she didn’t seem distraught even though her eyes were a bit glassy.  “Okay if I join you?”

Tearing her eyes away from the video, Rachel looked up and offered him a small smile before folding back the blanket to invite him in.  She rolled onto her side and scooted back to make room for him to lay next to her and, when he did, she ran her hand across his bare stomach and snuggled into his chest, holding him close – almost clinging. 

He didn’t know what else to do but fold her tightly inside the circle of his arms as they laid silently together to watch the memories being brought back to life on the TV screen.

“Mommy, do you like my sand castle?”   Lauren couldn’t have been more than two or three years old.

“It’s beautiful, honey.  You’re doing such a good job!”

From behind the video camera a masculine hand reached out and rubbed Rachel’s pregnant belly.  “And there’s my gorgeous wife – still rocking that bikini, aren’t you, Mama?”

Rachel’s hand rested over the man’s and she flashed a contented smile at the camera.  “You mean I’m spilling out of it, right?  I can’t believe I’ve got another two months before this baby gets here.  I’m bigger right now than I was when I delivered Lauren.” 

“Awesome!  That means I’ve got another two months of pregnant boobs!” Nick laughed. 

“Enjoy it while you can, stud, because it’s gonna be a looooong six weeks after this little one gets here before you’re getting near me!” 

“Nah.  You won’t make me wait that long, honey, you love me too much,” he teased, poking fingers into her swollen tummy.  His prodding was rewarded with an visible protrusion as the growing baby turned from one side to the other.  “LuLu, look!  The baby in mommy’s tummy wants to play.  He’s sticking up a foot, I think.”

Lauren flopped herself across her mother and joined in the poking and prodding of the alien-looking life form inside Rachel.  She twittered with childish delight when the baby retreated from her intrusive poking, only to pop up and roll across Rachel’s tummy to the other side.

“Look, daddy!  My baby is kicking my hand!”

Rachel giggled and stroked the young girl’s hair.  “You and daddy get this baby riled up and then it keeps me up half the night.”

Nick laid down beside Rachel and turned the camera on the three of them, exclaiming, “Family portrait time!  C’mere, LuLu, get in here with mommy and daddy.  Look into the camera and say ‘Aloha’, everybody!”

The delighted family smiled and called out ‘A-LOW-HAAAAA!’ in unison. 

Her duty done, Lauren’s attention immediately turned back to her sand castle, and Nick held the camera up on himself and Rachel as he kissed her.  “Next vacation will be with two kids, Rachel.  Can you handle it?”

Rachel giggled and tapped his nose.  “I think I’ve proven I can handle anything you can dish out, Nick.”

Nick looked back at the camera, speaking directly into the lens, “Well, folks, my wife here just turned our sweet family moment into a porn challenge, so I guess I better turn the camera off and put the little one to bed so my gorgeous woman can prove just exactly how much she can handle!”

Rachel laughed another contented laugh. “Great.  Someday when we’re dead and gone our kids will watch this and talk about how kinky their parents were.”

“No they won’t.  They’ll talk about how crazy their mom was about their dad.  Now gimme a kiss, you sexy woman!”

Nick held the camera out as he puckered his lips for the loving kiss Rachel bestowed and Jon shifted uncomfortably as the camera captured the most intimate of moments between a husband and wife.  He felt like a peeping Tom as he watched the young parents who were awaiting the birth of their next child, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that would eventually rip their family apart. 

He wished it was just the intimacy that made him uncomfortable, but it was Nick’s intimacy with Rachel.  Sure, his head knew that she’d been happily married, but to actually see another man with his hands on her in such a familiar touch – and her positively glowing at the attention…  It didn’t matter that the man in question had been dead for a couple of years.  Jon’s heart was still unsettled at the undeniable connection between them. 

This isn’t about you, asshole.  She lost her entire family.

Which was even more tragic now that he’d seen Rachel in the role of mother.  A role that she was undeniably suited for as she interacted with the little girl who would’ve grown up to be the spitting of image of her mother. 

The video progressed through the family’s Hawaii vacation, Nick’s birthday and Lauren’s dance recital, while Rachel never moved a muscle.  Occasionally, he thought he felt a hot tear splash against his chest and heard a tiny sniffle, but she didn’t utter a word as the electronic images of her family continued to dominate the television screen. 

The scene changed to what Jon presumed to be a hospital operating room.  Rachel’s hair was covered with one of those blue paper caps and she was lying on a table, with a sheet blocking her view of everything below her shoulders.  The air was pierced with a newborn cry and Rachel let go with her own little mewl.

“How does he look, Nick?  Is he okay?”

The camera jiggled as the operator – and second-time aunt, Robin – peered over the drape, commenting,  “He’s pink and wrinkly, covered with goo.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.  How does he LOOK?”

Nick laughed and stroked her wife’s cheek with affection.  “He’s perfect, honey.  Ten fingers, ten toes and a brain between his legs, just like he’s supposed to have.”

“Ready for this little guy, Mommy?” Nick asked as he accepted the swaddled bundle from the nurse and held him up to his mother's face, with Rachel immediately cooing soothing words to the infant. Her delight and the loving murmurs as she cherished her newborn son were almost more than Jon could take.

And he wasn’t the only one.  Her sniffles grew more pronounced and his chest became wet with grief, nostalgia, or both. 

“You made beautiful babies, Rach,” he quietly muttered. “Absolutely beautiful.”

Rachel kissed his bare chest and squeezed him tighter.  “They really were, weren’t they?” 

Soon, the TV screen filled with images of Rachel’s family gathered around a hospital bed, watching Lauren’s introduction to her new baby brother.   Jon didn’t know which was more touching – the way the little girl delighted in the new baby or Rachel’s obvious joy at the whole scene. 

She lifted her cheek and turned her head, resting her chin on his chest to look Jon in the eyes.  “I’ll always wonder who they would have become, what they would have done with their life.  They would have married and had children of their own – all the struggles, sorrows and joys that we all have.”

How could she not wonder?  He wondered and his kids were still alive, well and raising hell.  At least he still had a shot at finding out the answers.

“I’m sorry, baby…I don’t have a clue what to say to comfort you.”

“Silly man,” she chastised, wiping at the tears that still flowed.  “Don’t you know just having you here is all the comfort I need?  I couldn’t have gotten through this day without you.”

He felt as useless as doorknobs on a wall, but if she thought he’d done something right, then who was he to disagree?

“Look,” she instructed in a watery voice, nodding toward the TV.  Somehow she had gotten the video camera away from Nick and was shooting him with the kids.  Lauren sat happily in his lap, with the bundle that was Tyler resting on her lap.  All three looked as happy as they could possibly be.  “Right now, they’re just like that.”

“You think so?”

“Wave at the Mommy, Lulu,” Nick’s voice instructed gently as he did the same.  Lauren obediently flapped her pudgy little hand in the air and picked baby Tyler’s up to wave, too. 

Eyes affixed to the image, Rachel’s fingers fluttered gently, waving at her family.  “Yes,” she whispered.  “They’re safe, they’re together… And it’s time to let their memories live in my heart instead of a shrine I’ve created for them.”