Ch 22 ~ All I Need

“ARE YOU DRUNK?!?!”

His glass was empty so that was the most logical explanation Rachel could come up with.  What else could possibly convince the man sitting before her to voluntarily climb on board the marriage train?   Particularly considering how deathly opposed he’d been to it in the past. 

Okay…  ‘Deathly opposed’ might be overstating it.  A little. 

When they’d vacationed in Turks and Caicos last year at this time, he had told her he could ‘do’ marriage ‘if that’s what she wanted’.   The sentiment was lovely and she had appreciated his acquiescing in favor of her desires, but Rachel hadn’t wanted to be married to a man who didn’t need it as much as she did. 

She still didn’t.

Marriage simply symbolized something to her that it didn’t to Jon.  It was the security of knowing he would be coming home to her.  It was a contract that promised they would finish what they started.  That, whatever came their way during the day, they would deal with it and still be standing side-by-side come the dawn of the next morning.    

To him, it was just a piece of paper and meant nothing.  She had memorized that particular little declaration.

“If two people aren't committed, then that piece of paper won’t hold them together. By the same token if they ARE committed, they don’t need the license.”

In his mind, the grand gesture of presenting her with her own keys to each of his multiple homes had been a more significant commitment than a marriage license.  It was, and likely would remain, one of the fundamental differences between them. 

“Not even a little bit, sweetheart.”  He glanced at her nearly full glass on the table and then back to her eyes, questioning, “Are you gonna drink that?” 

When she shook her head no, Jon waggled his fingers for her to give it to him.  He took a healthy sip off the top and cradled the glass in hand, looking cool and relaxed while she felt as though she’d been poleaxed.  An alien invasion wouldn’t have stunned her any more than this little scene.

“Rach… I know marriage will give you the emotional and mental security you need.  And, like I said, whatever it is you need?  That’s what I’m willing to give you.”

And there we have it.  Nothing’s changed. Even though it’s an incredibly sweet gesture, he doesn’t want to get married.  He’s willing to get married because he thinks I want to.

Once upon a time, it might have been worth fighting about, but not anymore.  Her personal revelation earlier tonight had shown Rachel that, while marriage was truly the ultimate commitment in her world, love held a lot of power on its own.  The ship had sailed on the time she was willing to give up love for this particular principle.

However, she knew if she told him that, it would lead to a much longer discussion and she was done with talking.  There was a bed upstairs that had been far too empty for far too long and she wanted to rectify the situation.  Now.  Really, more like an hour ago, but since that wasn’t an option, now was as good as it was going to get. 

Scooting closer to him, Rachel touched the side of his face, tenderly stroking the cheekbone that was a little more pronounced than she’d previously known it to be.  “You seem willing to give me everything tonight, except what I really need.”

Jon turned his face into the palm of her hand, dusting his lips over it without uttering a word.

“I’ve missed you every long, miserable day that we’ve been apart and today has been a really draining day.  Not a bad day,” she clarified.  “Just draining.   Sooo…  What I need is you to revive me.  To be wound around you.  Your skin on mine.”

Rachel leaned in with the idea of seducing him with a sultry kiss, but that idea was thwarted at the last minute.  Just as she was about to make contact, Jon turned his head slightly to the right so that her lips landed on his cheek.   

“You haven’t answered my question, Rachel.”

“Damn it,” she huffed, her fatigue and his lack of response making her irritable.  Was it too much to ask to get naked with the man who had been ceaselessly pursuing and romancing her? 

Sex used to be their strong suit.  Rachel had merely to crook her little finger at any given time and he would nail her to the nearest available surface.  Repeatedly.  Tonight though… 

“Every time I get near you, you pull back, Jon.  It’s like… like the magic between us is gone.  Like you don’t feel the same way about me.”

Jesus, if she only knew….

Jon was exceptionally proud of himself for putting her and their relationship ahead of his physical need to be buried about eight feet – or inches – inside of her.  He was trying to do things right this time and work through their problems instead of fucking them into oblivion.  Yet all she seemed to want to do was get down and dirty. 

Down and dirty was not a problem, but what about his proposal?  Other than asking him if he was drunk, she hadn’t said anything about it.  He’d offered her marriage.  Why wasn’t she bouncing up and down with excitement and asking when they were going ring shopping?  Or telling him to take a long walk off a short pier?  Or something?

Don’t get bent.  You think she’s the hottest thing walking.  Tell her.

Jon leaned forward to put his wineglass on the table before scooting close and leaning over her, fisting his hands into the waves of hair that fell around her shoulders.  “I don’t feel the same way.  I want you more now than I ever have.  All of you.  Inside and out…  Inside of you until I black out…”

The kiss he planted on her lips wasn’t long, deep, or lingering, but it caused a stirring behind his fly.  He pulled back just far enough to look into eyes that were soft and dewy with a renewed desire.  Her breasts pushed into his chest, encouraging him to cannonball into the down and dirty pool.  She felt so good grinding against him, strands of blonde silkiness tickling his fingers.  He wanted to feel it tickling other parts of his body. 

One more try and then I’m moving on for now.  Tonight I wanna be a lover, not a fighter.

“Somehow…”  He softly kissed one corner of her mouth.  “I thought you’d be all googly-eyed at the knowledge that you’ve brought me to my knees about wanting to get married.”  His lips brushed the other corner of her mouth.  “I’ve plotted and planned for this big revelation that I’m allll about us getting married – and you don’t even notice.   I thought that’s what you wanted?”

Her eyelids fluttered shut, effectively hiding whether it was remorse, annoyance or arousal that caused the accompanying sigh.  “I’m sorry if I let you down.  It’s been such an emotionally overwhelming day… I’m rummy from lack of sleep and starting to get a headache.  I can’t think past my nose…”

He leaned in and pressed a kiss onto each closed eyelid.  She was tired and sexually frustrated.  Not a good combination for anybody and Jon was finished dragging this out.  He would solve both of her most pressing problems and deal with the rest tomorrow. 

“S’ok, baby.  Why don’t you go on upstairs?  Pop an Advil, take off your makeup, do that lotion thing of yours…  I’ll secure the house and be right behind you.  Okay?”

“Will you bring orgasms with you?  More than one?”

Her pouty, little girl voice made him smile. 

“Mm-hmm.  All you can handle and then some.  You’re gonna sleep like a baby when I’m done with you.”

Green eyes sparkled like emeralds over a sleepy grin and she brought her face to his for a kiss that had his hormones beating their chests in anticipation.  Her lips were moist and plump when she came up for air, making him think of other moist, plump places… 

“Mmk.  But don’t be long, rock star, or the party might start without you.”

He smacked her ass as she walked by, cocking an admonishing eyebrow at her.  She deserved it for even suggesting that she’d get herself off while he was around, but wasn’t worried about his ‘punishment’.  Rachel merely flashed him an unrepentant grin and sashayed out of the room and up the stairs.  

Pushing himself off the coach, he lifted his glass from the table and poured another hefty glass of wine, which he downed half of while closing the fireplace doors, turning off the lights and setting the security alarm.  He then passed through the kitchen on his way to the staircase that would lead him back to Rachel’s bed. 

Mounting the staircase with slow steps, he passed the same pictures of her children that had likely hung there in those exact spots for years, but this time, rather than being a passing interest, they captured Jon’s full attention. 

For the first time he noticed that her son, Tyler, was nearly a carbon copy of Rachel.  The only difference between the grinning boy and his mother was the darker hair that he’d inherited from his dad.  There were three different pictures, all at different stages of his childhood, but they all showed the same happy kid that was the spitting image of his mama. 

This was her baby boy.  Her Romeo.

It was hard to think of it in that context.  His youngest child was so full of life and energy, but then hers had been too.  And then… he wasn’t.

Not for the first time, Jon wondered how he would cope if he’d been dealt the same situation Rachel had.  If, in fact, he could cope at all.

I’d have gone fuckin’ nuts.  I don’t know how she does it.

He marveled at the strength of the woman he loved as he ascended the steps that brought him to her daughter’s trio of pictures. 

Lauren, while she was blonde like her mother, more strongly resembled her father.  The dark blue eyes and set of her jaw were Nick’s and traits that Jon recognized from photos he’d seen of Rachel’s late husband.  She had been a pretty girl and, no doubt, would have become a stunning young woman, he thought – just like his own baby girl, Stephanie. 

Jon couldn’t count the memories he had of his kids.  First teeth, first steps, first words, bicycles, basketball, baseball, soccer…  The same memories that all parents had.  Rachel surely had them with her children, but the difference was…  that’s all she had.  Memories. 

He could call his kids all day every day.  Take them on vacation, go to a recital or a ballgame.  Just hug them close whenever he wanted.  Those were privileges that he never wanted to take for granted because, God forbid, something happen to his kids… 

He’d never be able to do what Rachel had.  She’d lifted her head high, stuck out her chest and been determined to figure out how to live a happy and meaningful life in spite of her loss.  There weren’t many women who could’ve come through her life and still offer another person everything she had, yet she’d offered it to Jon. 

With a deep breath he squared his shoulders and continued up the last few stairs. 

He had told her he would do whatever it took to make her happy and whole again.  That was his job now.  The job whose wages weren’t cash, but something far more important – a life.  A full and rewarding life with the woman he loved. 

With the images of her two beautiful angels still fresh in his mind, Jon crossed through the double doors into the master suite – to find their mother had fallen into a deep sleep. 

He set the wineglass on the nightstand and noticed the picture that had always been there.  It was one of Nick holding their newborn daughter.  Something about it had always brought out a hint of jealousy in Jon, but tonight, he picked it up and, for the first time, took a really good look at the man who had been Rachel’s husband.

Tall dark and handsome were the only words to describe the guy. He had the appearance of the classic fairytale prince.  This man had loved Rachel, been married to her, and been a father to her children…. He had been real and the guy had died trying to protect his kids, just like Jon knew he’d do under the same circumstances. 

We’re not so different, you and I, Nick.  We’d both do anything for the woman we love and our kids.  I’m sorry you had to make the ultimate sacrifice, but rest assured that Rachel is taken care of now.

He set the picture down, picked up the glass and drank half of it while watching Rachel sleep, lost in his own thoughts.  Life together with her would require Jon to give a little.  There was no doubt about that, and it was going to be a challenge sometimes.  He’d lived in pretty much the same routine for three decades and had gotten used to calling all of the shots along the way.

You knew getting her back in your life was going to require changes.  Compromise.  You also know that whatever compromises you need to make…  They’ll be worth it.

Her lips parted with a soft breath and a strand of hair fell over her cheek, drawing his attention.  She was beautiful all the time, but when she slept he found her beyond gorgeous.  There was a fragile softness that you didn’t notice while she was awake.  She didn’t let her defenses down enough to let anyone notice.

His fingers ached to touch the subtle pink flush that tinged her creamy skin.  His body longed to make love to those sweet curves… 

But it was late and she wasn’t used to the vampire lifestyle.  There’s no way he was going to wake her up, no matter how vocal she’d been about her desires earlier. 

Tonight it would be enough to just sleep with her in his arms.