Ch 38 ~ Baby Duty

“Rachel?”  Jon asked Rachel quietly as Hunter reached for the piece of bread that sat in her near-empty plate after the rehearsal dinner feast.

It had been a good evening.  Her family hadn’t given Jon the cold shoulder – much – and everything had gone according to plan.  Leanne and her husband-to-be looked happy, Robin looked mostly happy and her parents were always tickled to have everyone together in the same place. 

“No, no, baby,” she scolded the toddler softly, taking away the fork that had ultimately seemed more interesting than the roll.  “What, Jon?”

His shaggy head dipped toward the tow-headed angel in her lap.  “He’s going home with us?”

“Mhm.”  She ruffled the fine tendrils of hair at the baby’s forehead with a soft smile.  It was always such a pleasure to get to spend time with him and to spoil him when his parents weren’t looking. 

“You never mentioned we were babysitting tonight.”

Her eyes lifted to find Jon looking less than thrilled about the prospect.  “Number one, I didn’t expect you to be here at all – not that I’m complaining, mind you – but the fact that I agreed weeks ago to babysit was irrelevant until last night.  Number two, it’s been kind of busy today.  We weren’t in the same place anytime I happened to think of it.  Why?  Is it a problem?”

“Well…”  He rubbed along her thigh with the back of his knuckles.  “It kinda throws a monkey wrench into the plans I had for us tonight.”

“Don’t be silly,” she waved away his concern with a soft laugh and a promising wink.  “Hunter is a dream to keep.  He’ll go to bed early and sleep all night, so there will be plenty of opportunity for your ‘plans’, lover.”

“Better be,” he griped good-naturedly.  “God only knows when I’ll see you again.”

Rachel leaned over and kissed his cheek, whispering, “The sooner we get out of here, the sooner I can get him bathed and in bed.  Then you can take that monkey wrench of yours and do obscene things to me.” 

Instantly, his chair scraped across the wooden floor, almost topping in his haste to get up from the table.  “It’s been a lovely evening,” he said loudly enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear.  “But it looks like this little guy is getting awfully tired.  We should probably take him home and put him in bed, right Rach?”

She smothered a smile by kissing the side of the wide-awake Hunter’s head.  “That’s probably a good idea, honey…”

                                                                           ~~~~

Rachel decided to kill two birds with one stone and put the baby in the tub with her while Jon built a fire and opened a bottle of wine.  Hunter loved bubbles and all things bath time, and, on the evenings he spent the night with her, the two of them had been known to make a wicked mess playing in the water. 

Tonight the hour was later and, wanting the baby to be well rested for the wedding the next day, Rachel stuck to a quick scrubbing for each of them and released the water.  She had just stepped out and was trying to quickly dry off while keeping an eagle eye on Hunter in the tub when Jon’s voice came from behind her.

“Hey, you need some help with him?”

“You're really are anxious for some alone time, aren’t you?” she asked with a sly grin.  Not that she was complaining.  Who could complain about being wanted by a man who looked that good in nothing but a pair of jeans?

“Nah.  Well, yeah…” he eventually admitted with a sheepish laugh.  “But I just thought I’d see if you need an extra pair of hands up here.”

Tossing her wet towel to the side, Rachel grabbed a dry one.  Turning, she reached into the tub to grasp Hunter under the arms and pulled his chubby little body out of the remaining shallow water.

“You’re slippery when wet, aren’t you bud?  Yes you are.”  Rachel kissed Hunter in the folds of his neck as she wrapped a towel around him, giggling softly at her reference to Jon’s album. 

“I’m glad you find yourself amusing, because you’re the only one.”

“Not true.”  She ran a fingernail over the bottom of the baby’s foot, making him squeal with delight.  “Hunter thinks I’m amusing, don’t you, sweetheart?  Now c’mere…”  The roly bundle of toddler was swept up into the waiting towel.  “Let’s get your jammies on and we’ll go have a bottle.”

“He still takes a bottle?”

“Mm hmm.  Just at nap and bedtime.” She shook her head slightly, one corner of her mouth sliding up.  “Geez, I couldn’t get Tyler off his bottle til he was nearly two years old.  I thought we’d never break him from it.” 

“I wasn’t even home when my last two went off the bottle,” he mused quietly.  “Here.  Give him to me while you finish drying off.”

Rachel handed Hunter to Jon with the reminder, “Be careful, he’s slicker than snot from the bath.”

Jon arched an eyebrow at the naked blonde standing next to him.  “Not my first rodeo, dear.”

“I’m sorry,” she laughed. “I forgot you may have done this a time or two.”

Jon rubbed the baby’s wet hair with the towel then patted his bottom as he put him over his shoulder.    “Mm hm.  I’ve done it enough to know I better get a diaper on this little squirt before he pees all over me.  Where’s the diaper bag?”

“It’s on the bed.  Just give me a second to put a robe on and I’ll finish him up.” 

Rachel slipped her arms into the fuzzy, cold-weather robe and found Hunter giggling happily as Jon tried to diaper the child. 

“You silly boy,” she cooed to the toddler. “You’re waiting for your rubdown, aren’t you?  Your mama thinks you’re too old for baby lotion but Auntie likes the way it smells on you so that’s the way we do things when it’s just us.  Don’t we, sweet boy?” 

Hunter was slathered head to toe in the ageless baby lotion that Rachel loved so much before being zipped into his fuzzy, footed sleeper.  After Auntie Rachel had completed her own head to toe lotion ritual – with Jon as an avid audience – she and the little boy settled down in the chair nearest the fire.

Smiling down at the cherubic toddler whose eyelids were growing heavy in the middle of his coveted sleepy-time bottle, she allowed her glance to slide over to Jon.  He was leaned back comfortably on the sofa, sipping wine and doing his part to create what Rachel considered a picture-perfect Norman Rockwell scene. 

“There’s an extra glow to you tonight,” he observed quietly.  “Having that baby in your arms makes you look almost… ethereal.  I bet you were the perfect mother.”

Rachel shrugged as she finger combed the toddler’s hair and noted the rosy glow to his soft cheeks as he began to doze.   Nothing in the world felt as good as a little one in her lap, especially a freshly bathed one covered in the scent of baby lotion. 

“If I was, it was because they were good kids – good babies.  Perfect or not, I enjoyed every minute of motherhood.”

Flames engulfed the logs and created a soothing crackle that was the only sound in the room for several moments.  Rachel was lost in memories of these times with Lauren and Tyler and when she looked over at Jon, she found him watching her with a thoughtful expression.

“Rachel?” 

“Hmm?”

“Marry me.”

“No,” she declined softly with a gentle smile.  They may be living, breathing participants in a Norman Rockwell moment, but it was only that – a fleeting moment – and Rachel was fine with that. 

“I’m going to keep asking, yanno,” he informed her, unperturbed as he continued to sip his wine. 

“Whatever you need to do, baby.”

“You’re a pain in the ass sometimes, yanno?  But that does bring up another thing…”

Her eyebrows arched questioningly, requesting elaboration without words. 

“You never really said anything about whether or not you’d like to try and have a baby.”

“Mm.”  Because she hadn’t taken it all that seriously. 

“The thing is, we’re planning to release a greatest hits cd next year and I can use the momentum of this tour to promote it.  You know how it’s easier to keep a ball rolling than getting it started, so if I essentially just extend this tour to promote that record, it’s probably going to net me better results.  But I wanted to talk to you about it before I finalized plans, because if you want to get pregnant, I’ll need to be home and make that the priority.”

Green eyes narrowed in his direction and she tilted her head, studying the man she loved – and thought she knew – with bewildered amusement.

“Have we met?” she deadpanned.  “Because if we have, I no longer have any idea who you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“A year ago the thought of more kids in your life was enough to send you into outer space.   Now you want to make it a priority?   What has happened to the selfish, controlling, dictator-of-a-man I used to know and love?”

One corner of that beautiful mouth angled slightly upward in a crooked smile and, in spite of her mini character assassination, there was no sign of defensiveness when he shrugged one lazy shoulder upward.  “Quit bustin’ my balls, will ya?  This is the first time in my life I’ve been willing to put someone else’s needs before my own and it kinda makes me antsy, so just go with it.”

Hunter sputtered on the last of his bottle, commanding Rachel’s immediate attention, but a quick pat on his bottom was all it took for him to release it and snuggle into her.  With Jon’s question lingering in the air, she looked at the sleepy baby cradled in her arms and reminisced at the complete and total joy she’d felt at holding her own little ones.   

It was an experience that was unlike any other.  That tiny little life, so full of love and dependent on her for its very existence… 

Do I really want to do that again?  Am I strong enough to take the risk of losing another child?

She exchanged the empty bottle for her wine glass and took a long sip before turning to address the handsome man still staring at her, patiently waiting. 

“With this tour of yours…  You’ll be gone a lot for the next year or so, won't you?”

“Yeah.  And if we tour the greatest hits record, it will be more like two years.”

So, not only was she faced with the questions of maternal desire and strength, she also had to consider the fact that she would largely be a single parent.

“Look, Rachel,” he interrupted her deliberate soul searching. “I meant what I said about making sure you always come first in my life.  Now, you being happy is what makes me happy.  If you want to start another family, I’ll be a hundred percent on board.”

She searched his eyes in the firelight, scouring them for any signs of uncertainty or unwillingness, but she found nothing but sincerity glowing in their earnest depths.  He genuinely wanted only what she wanted, whatever that may be, and once she fully acknowledged that, her heart grew to at least twice its normal size. 

“You love me that much, huh?” she teased with loving affection.

Jon swallowed hard and nodded.  “You told me once, right here in this house, that I was the love of your life.  You said you’d never loved anyone the way you loved me, but that you didn’t want to elaborate on it any more than that.  Do you remember?”

When Rachel nodded, Jon leaned forward, propping his forearms on his thighs and cradled his wineglass between them.  He disinterestedly watched the pale liquid swirl in the bowl for a brief moment before purposefully lifting his chin and meeting her gaze dead on. 

“I love my kids, and I loved their mother.  That ain’t ever gonna change and I’m not gonna apologize for it, but as shitty as it is, I never loved anybody enough to consistently put their desires above mine – until you.   And I know you’ll understand when I ask you not to make me elaborate, because I don’t wanna lessen my family or my time with Dorothea any more than you wanted to lessen what Nick and your kids meant to you.”

It was hard for Jon to admit that what he’d tried so hard to preserve for all those years hadn’t been enough.  Through her own empathetic mist of tears, Rachel could see he was struggling with his emotions.  Could see that he was disappointed in the man he’d been, but determined to step forward and claim the man he was now.

“In…”  He cleared his throat, his hand restlessly rocking the wineglass back and forth as he spoke.  “While you were gone, I very painfully realized that without you,  I got nothin’ – but with you, I can walk water.”  The last inch of wine was tossed back and he put the empty glass on the table, now free of any distraction.  “Rach, if our life together includes kids, great.  I don’t have any doubt I’ll love ‘em to pieces.  And if it doesn’t include kids, I’ll still have it all, because I know, now, that you’re the only thing that matters.  My business will come and go, kids grow up and leave to build their own lives…. When I’m an old man, I’ll have had a satisfied life if I’ve spent it with you.   Everything else is just … stuff.”

A tear dripped down her cheek.  Yes, he’d told her repeatedly that she was all that mattered, but never before had he said with such obvious…  love.  The size of their family was truly up to her and she knew it deep down in her soul.

He’s offering you the world.  It’s what you wanted when you left him, so why are you hesitating now?

That was the kicker.  Was that what she’d truly wanted?  If he’d made this offer back in New Jersey, would she have said yes?  Or was it simply having the option that had seemed so very important?

Rachel was terribly afraid that may be the case. 

“Jon,” she sighed, shaking her head.  “I can’t begin to tell you how much I love you.  Having more children – your children – would be…  extraordinary.”

He nodded and stood, prepared to seal the deal with a kiss.

“But…”  She held him off with an open palm and a tender smile.  “I tend to believe I’m younger than I really am and, the truth is that…  Well, I’m past the point in my life where I need babies to make me complete.”

His eyebrows crept up into his hairline.  “You sure about that?”

She blinked away the lingering moisture and nodded up into his face.  “Very sure.  I think I just needed to be able to make that decision with you, instead of you making it for us.”

“But,” she grinned,  “a puppy might not be out of the question….”