Ch 14 ~ Un-Happy Hour

“So how are you feeling today?”  James’s smile was gentle as he ushered her out of their final afternoon meeting.  Up until that point, the day hadn’t allowed for more than a cursory greeting. 

“Much better than I was when I got up,” she admitted with a self-deprecating laugh as they walked the hall toward the elevator.

“I was worried about you this morning when you didn’t answer my text messages.”

Rachel felt a bit bad about that.  He had texted while she was running off the hellacious hangover and her mind had been absorbed with the seemingly miraculous changes that had taken place within Jon.  Knowing that she would see James later in the day, she had kind of blown off his casual good morning messages. 

“Sorry about that.  I was running when they came in and then with showering and getting ready for the meetings I forgot to reply.”  She stood by while he depressed the elevator call, shifting her purse up on her arm. 

“Running?”  His eyebrows slid upward, wrinkling his forehead with surprise as he depressed the elevator call for them.  “How did you manage that?  I had about half a hangover this morning and I didn’t drink nearly as much as you did.  Do caramel apple martinis give you super-human powers?” 

Rachel shuddered lightly, following him into the car where they were the only occupants. 

“Please don’t even say the name of those vile things in my presence.  Running was recommended to me as a hangover remedy and I was desperate enough to try.   Believe it or not, it did the trick.”

“Oh yeah?  I would’ve never have imagined.  Where’d you get that recommendation?”

“Jon.”

His pleasant expression dropped as surely as the elevator plunged to the bottom floor of the office building that was hosting their meetings.  

“Are you ever going to tell me why he was at your house the other morning?”

She had been putting James’s question about Jon off much as she had been putting Jon’s off about James.  It was one of those things that took more effort and energy than it deserved, so she’d been avoiding it.  But, seeing as she was going to have to decline James’s imminent dinner invitation to have dinner ‘with’ Jon, now was as good a time as any to address it.

“He wants to reconcile.”

James’s snort was incredulous as he held the elevator door for her to step into the building’s luxurious lobby.  “You told him to go fuck himself, I hope?  After what that jackass put you through, he’s out of his mind if he thinks he can waltz back in and pick up where he left off.  Talk about ego!”

Her stomach rolled a little bit.  This conversation was going to get stickier than a short taxi ride was capable of handling, she feared.  And, taking the bull by the horns and devoting fifteen minutes to it now was preferable to stringing it all over the city of Miami. 

Glancing around the building’s lobby she spotted Starbucks, a little café and... a cozy little bar that was still relatively quiet this early in the evening. 

God bless workplaces with all the amenities on the premises.

“Mm.  Let’s have a quick drink before we head back to the hotel, shall we?”

Without waiting for his acquiescence, she guided the snakeskin sandals that she hadn’t been able to resist wearing again toward the bar’s entrance.

“Wow.  That hangover must not have been so bad after all.”

“It was hideous,” she corrected him, sliding into a small semi-circular booth as the server approached the side of the table.  “Diet cola, please, with lots of ice.”

“Same,” James ordered, sliding in on the opposite side of the leather bench.  When the young woman left to fetch their drinks, he met her eyes in the light of the single-bulb fixture that hung over the table.  “Why do I get the feeling that you weren’t that desperate for a soda?”

Because you may have been a womanizer, but you were never a stupid man.

“James...”  Rachel reached for his hand, covering it with her own.  “I’ve told you before, but I’m going to say it again:  Thanks isn’t enough for what you’ve done for me the past few months.  There’s no possible way that I can ever repay you.”

James’s hand dropped on top of hers, sandwiching it between his with a squeeze.  “Your happiness is all the thanks I need and that’s why Jon Bon Jovi’s appearance is of such great concern to me.  He can’t make you happy.  Not like I can.”

The waitress appeared with the drinks, giving Rachel a moment to decide which issue to address first – James’s ability to make her happy or Jon’s appearance.  She opted for Jon. 

“I told you that I still have feelings for him.”

“You did.  But you also told me just last night that you wanted to make a life with me, because I wouldn’t cause you the misery he did.”

She remembered wishing that she could fall in love with James, because it would be easier, but Rachel didn’t recall saying anything like that.  At all.  Her stomach clenched and she pulled her hand free to jab her straw through the iced drink, separating the cubes that had tried to stick together. 

Damned caramel soaked memories.  What else don’t I remember?

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember that.”

He chuckled a bit sadly.  “Can’t say that I’m entirely surprised, but it happened, regardless.  Alcohol is just like truth serum, Rachel.  Your subconscious knows I’m what’s best for you, even if you aren’t ready to acknowledge it. ”

Was that true?  Did her subconscious know James was the better choice? 

Of course it does.  My conscious mind knows it, too, but my heart just isn’t interested in going along for the ride.

Rachel had never considered herself a gambler.  She always did the conservative thing; always played by the rules.  Always.  She didn’t take unnecessary risks that might compromise her health, home or finances and she sure as hell didn’t do anything to jeopardize someone else’s. 

Now she was finding that she had a touch of gambler in her blood – or at least understood the addiction of a gambler.  It was a calculated risk getting involved with Jon again, but the potential payoff was so damn tempting that she couldn’t help rolling the dice and taking a chance.

Geez, Rachel.  First he’s a drug addiction, now he’s a gambling addiction?  Keep on and you’re going to need a twelve step program.

“James, I promised him that we’d at least talk and see where things ended up.  I’m sorry if you don’t agree with my decision, but I’m honoring that promise.”

“You’re right; I don’t agree with it.  I think you’re making a huge mistake.  Why would an intelligent woman knowingly sign on for more mental strain from a man who pushed her over the edge?  Why, Rachel?”

Rachel sighed, pushing her glass away and wiping at the water ring left behind on the table.

“I can’t explain it.  Logically, I realize it’s something I probably shouldn’t do, but I can’t seem to stop myself.  Maybe I keep thinking he’ll eventually want to be what I need.”  She shook her head, not wanting to be forced to justify her decision.  “Doesn’t matter.  I’m doing this.  That’s all there is to it.”

A thousand arguments ran through his hazel eyes, all of which he kept to himself.  James had known her long enough to realize that, once her mind was made up, there wasn’t much anyone could do to change it. 

“I’ll respect your decision, of course.”

“Thank you.”

“But...”  James put a single finger up in the air, his eyes connecting with hers meaningfully.  “You have to promise me that, when this turns out as badly as I expect it to, you’ll come home to me – where you belong.”

“If  this doesn’t turn out as well as I hope...”  She reached out to squeeze his hand with an appreciative smile.  “It’s not your job to glue my heart back together.  I’m a big girl.  I can take care of myself.”

He shook his head with exasperation and, surprisingly, brought her hand to his lips for a kiss. 

“Rachel...  I know this probably doesn’t carry a lot of weight since you pushed me away last night, but I love you.  I’ll cheerfully do whatever it takes to make your heart whole, because I want it for my own.”

It’s sad the only words out of his sweet declaration to make my heart beat faster are “you pushed me away last night”.  Thank you Hay Zeus.

“Oh, James...”

“Don’t.”  He released her hand and dug in his pocket for a few bills to throw on the table.  “This is twice now that I’ve let you walk away to another man.  Remember that, because it won’t happen again.  Next time you’re mine – for keeps.”

She had no idea what to say to that, so she mutely watched him stand.

“I trust that you’ll forgive me for preferring to dine alone tonight?”

Rachel nodded, not feeling the need to mention that’s what she’d planned to do anyway.

“Of course.  I’ll see you at the morning meetings.  And James...  I really do adore you.  You’re one of a kind.”

“I’m one idiot of a kind, you mean,” he snorted in disgust before turning to walk away.  “Have a good evening, Rachel.  I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

She watched him go, a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth.  Not for the first time, she wondered why she couldn’t be in love with James.  He was a good guy, now.  He knew what she was about, what she wanted – and he was willing to give it to her.  Wholeheartedly. 

The vibration of her phone interrupted her questioning of the universe, rattling the leather bench from inside her purse.  It was probably James apologizing, or changing his mind about dinner.

Rachel’s frown slid up on one side of her mouth, quickly followed by the other. 

[5:45] JOHN BONGIOVI: 1 hr and 15 min until we meet again.  Miss you, Rach.

You can’t fall in love with James because you thought you were still head-over-heels in love with Jon.  Now that he’s pulling out all the stops and showing you he MIGHT be able to change...  You know you are.